Grace in the Darkness
It was an evening like any other. I had bumped into several friends that day at church, even some whom I don't see regularly--randomly asking for a spare diaper. Selah Grace had "poopies" and I couldn't get her to sit down in the van to go home.
We were taking a slow Sunday evening at home, and were laying on our couch together in front of our newly installed wood stove. The wood stove's internal fan was on, humming sleepily, and the warm air was sedating. One lamp, the fireplace, and my laptop provided the only light in the room. In about 30 minutes I would need to be at a friend’s house to enjoy God's gifts of fellowship, good discussion, and other things indifferent.
However, I wanted to spend a bit more time with Heather before heading out since she had been weary lately in the care of our newborn. Her head was on my lap and I was typing away on my laptop. Heather got up and walked around the kitchen for a little before she went on upstairs for bed. "Well," I thought, "I'm supposed to be there in less than one minute. I think it was worth it; I think Heather was blessed and who cares if I'm 15 minutes late to hang out with a couple of the guys."
(What transpired next has been shared with few people. Perhaps because we are not ready to freely talk about it; perhaps because of a concern for who would read and a desire to impart grace and not tempt towards fear. It has seemed to me in personal experience, that what can be accomplished spiritually is often accomplished in 'real time.' Sometimes I have sought to reinforce a trust in 'soul anchoring truths' by walking through difficult scenarios in my imagination. Sometimes it is productive and sometimes it is unproductive and leads to fear. The truth is we live in the real life--the here and now--and not in the 'what-if scenarios' of life; so I ask you to please be careful about imagining yourself in a trial or circumstance similar to ours. God hasn't promised grace for our imaginations, he has promised grace for the here and now of real life, whatever that may be for you (Jn 21:22; and Matt 6:34-each day has enough trouble of its own). We trust him and he provides real grace, in real life, in 'real time'. We could not have been more prepared than we were because we had a real life God. He wants us to trust Him, not trust in our preparation. All the preparation that we need is to acquaint ourselves with the greatness of this real life God.)
The next minutes are sacred. A crushing weight of bricks fell on our hearts. We were burdened beyond our strength (Ps 107:25-27).
Beading, colored sweat on an athlete in a sports drink ad might illustrate how the truth of spiritual realities began to permeat the intense strain in those moments. ‘God is not absent right now. He is near and involved in these details. These thoughts right now are proof of that. He is speaking to my heart, sustaining me. He is good…He is sovereign…He is our Father. He is over all this; allowed this. He will help us. What do I do right now. What do I say to my wife right now.’
Amidst the billowing waves of darkness that night, God was so near and He embraced us. Undoubtedly and most importantly, He is so near all of His children as they enter into trials which He has fitted for them. But just as certainly, our experience might argue the untold benefit of the preparation of His Words continuously received and savored; words and truth that point us to Himself.
The books that we had read this year, Knowing God by J.I. Packer (2 times this year), When I Don’t Desire God by John Piper (3 times this year) and for me particularly, Children of the Living God (2 times this year) by Sinclair Ferguson, have been tremendously used by God to carry us to scripture passages and truths in God’s Word that have been sustaining spiritual food and anchoring truths. This is the first year that I have read the same book more than once in the same year and also that Heather and I have had basically the same reading diet. Coincidence? In my personal opinion, at least Knowing God, and perhaps Children of the Living God should be within the top 5 “must reads” for a believer. I would have to bless God, and say that this year's reading list is just another detail in which God has been sovereign over the before-during-and-after of our trial. He truly is a Good Shepherd.
We were taking a slow Sunday evening at home, and were laying on our couch together in front of our newly installed wood stove. The wood stove's internal fan was on, humming sleepily, and the warm air was sedating. One lamp, the fireplace, and my laptop provided the only light in the room. In about 30 minutes I would need to be at a friend’s house to enjoy God's gifts of fellowship, good discussion, and other things indifferent.
However, I wanted to spend a bit more time with Heather before heading out since she had been weary lately in the care of our newborn. Her head was on my lap and I was typing away on my laptop. Heather got up and walked around the kitchen for a little before she went on upstairs for bed. "Well," I thought, "I'm supposed to be there in less than one minute. I think it was worth it; I think Heather was blessed and who cares if I'm 15 minutes late to hang out with a couple of the guys."
(What transpired next has been shared with few people. Perhaps because we are not ready to freely talk about it; perhaps because of a concern for who would read and a desire to impart grace and not tempt towards fear. It has seemed to me in personal experience, that what can be accomplished spiritually is often accomplished in 'real time.' Sometimes I have sought to reinforce a trust in 'soul anchoring truths' by walking through difficult scenarios in my imagination. Sometimes it is productive and sometimes it is unproductive and leads to fear. The truth is we live in the real life--the here and now--and not in the 'what-if scenarios' of life; so I ask you to please be careful about imagining yourself in a trial or circumstance similar to ours. God hasn't promised grace for our imaginations, he has promised grace for the here and now of real life, whatever that may be for you (Jn 21:22; and Matt 6:34-each day has enough trouble of its own). We trust him and he provides real grace, in real life, in 'real time'. We could not have been more prepared than we were because we had a real life God. He wants us to trust Him, not trust in our preparation. All the preparation that we need is to acquaint ourselves with the greatness of this real life God.)
The next minutes are sacred. A crushing weight of bricks fell on our hearts. We were burdened beyond our strength (Ps 107:25-27).
Beading, colored sweat on an athlete in a sports drink ad might illustrate how the truth of spiritual realities began to permeat the intense strain in those moments. ‘God is not absent right now. He is near and involved in these details. These thoughts right now are proof of that. He is speaking to my heart, sustaining me. He is good…He is sovereign…He is our Father. He is over all this; allowed this. He will help us. What do I do right now. What do I say to my wife right now.’
Amidst the billowing waves of darkness that night, God was so near and He embraced us. Undoubtedly and most importantly, He is so near all of His children as they enter into trials which He has fitted for them. But just as certainly, our experience might argue the untold benefit of the preparation of His Words continuously received and savored; words and truth that point us to Himself.
The books that we had read this year, Knowing God by J.I. Packer (2 times this year), When I Don’t Desire God by John Piper (3 times this year) and for me particularly, Children of the Living God (2 times this year) by Sinclair Ferguson, have been tremendously used by God to carry us to scripture passages and truths in God’s Word that have been sustaining spiritual food and anchoring truths. This is the first year that I have read the same book more than once in the same year and also that Heather and I have had basically the same reading diet. Coincidence? In my personal opinion, at least Knowing God, and perhaps Children of the Living God should be within the top 5 “must reads” for a believer. I would have to bless God, and say that this year's reading list is just another detail in which God has been sovereign over the before-during-and-after of our trial. He truly is a Good Shepherd.
posted by DC @ 10:35 PM
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